Hi kitties! I'm lounging on my lover's lap thinking about how to help you! Humans have such sexual dilemmas. . .what's yours? Email me darling, and I'll get that lover of yours to straighten up, as only a frisky feline can! (For past questions, see the Archives.)

Dear Miss Kitten:

I've been troubled with this problem for the past 28 years.

When I get involved with a girl, she becomes frustrated with my love. I always show lot of love to girls, which is causing lot of problems in my life.

My second problem is that I have a jealous streak. When I first make friends with a girl, I become jealous of other males with whom they are having sex. Please tell me how I can stop obsessing about my female friends and their sex lives. --Ramesh

Be an independent lion, not a roll-over kitten. . .

It sounds like you get too serious too quick, that you don't give enough time for a relationship to develop into anything.

In the very beginning of a relationship, both males and females often are cautious. The reason can be that they're trying to figure out how they feel about the other person, or maybe they've been hurt before and don't want to get hurt again. Whatever the reason, go slow. I know this sounds old fashioned, but it's the best way, I think.

If you're determined to go super-fast, and I know, there are times when the relationship is so hot, you can't go slow, be prepared for the cool down. In all things in life, what goes up must come down, so what starts out hot will cool down eventually.

Another thing you must do is accept the fact that most relationships will not go on to be long-lasting commitments. Think about it: you date many women, but only marry 1 or 2 (most of us, anyway). This means that the majority of your relationships will not end in marriage--they will die. You have to learn to accept this death as part of life. It hurts, but you must learn how to pick yourself up and move on. Life is always an adventure, and obsessing about a lost lover is one sure way to have a bad time.

It sounds to me like you're co-dependent, meaning you have trouble knowing where yourself and your partner begin and end. This is a common problem, and many people have trouble maintaining their independence in a relationship. This is something a therapist can help you with. If this problem is causing you pain in your life, seek professional help. Don't live your life in pain when there are people who can teach you how to be independent within the context of a relatioship.

As for jealousy, this very destructive personality trait is a reaction to low self-esteem. It also signals co-dependence. When you are co-dependent, relationships are frightening because you don't know what you'll do with yourself when they end. And most relationships do end, so you're in a panic. Again, I recommend seeing a therapist to help you overcome your co-dependence and teach you how to like yourself. Good luck!.

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Dear Miss Kitten:

I want to tell you that you are great for doing. I need advice. I have been fingering my virgin girlfriend and neither one of us have done this before. I want to get her to moan or bite her lips, so if you could be so kind as to give me some advice, I would appreciate it. Thank you. --Joe

Getting a rise out of a pussycat. . .

Oftentimes, virgins are just plain unsure of what to do and a little embarrassed by being vocal and showing reactions to erotic arousal. She may be afraid that if you enjoys this too much, that sex will be right around the corner, and she's not ready for that--or maybe she was planning on saving herself for marriage. I don't know, you should know better than I.

If she is not ready for sex, then this little activity is crossing a line for her. She may be enjoying it, but she should be concerned that this could lead to sex--because it will, eventually. Maybe not with you, but it will lead to sex one day. If she's intent of remaining a virgin for many more years, she's playing with fire and she knows it.

You need to make sure that this foreplay is really all right with your girlfriend. Make sure you understand what it is she wants for her future. She may have thought this was a good idea, and is feeling unsure about it now. Respect her wishes--if she wants to stop doing this, don't pressure her.

If your girlfriend is ready for this and other sexual activities, then just be patient about the moaning. She'll react as she wants, when she wants. Don't ever pressure her to do it, because that will only have the opposite effect. And keep in mind, some women never moan. But that doesn't mean she's not enjoying herself--maybe she just doesn't want to make a fuss about it.

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Dear Miss Kitten:

I want to know how to please my girlfriend in bed by licking her kitten. I would like to please her but I'm not really sure how to that well.

Kissing kittens . . .

Well, this is a switch. I've received lots of questions about how to give good blow jobs, but you're the first to ask how to perform cunniligus well.

First, relax about it. Don't be so worried. Try to do what comes naturally and have confidence in your ability to please your gal.

If you're a passionate kisser, and like to make out for long periods of time, this cunnilingus thing will be a piece of cake for you. Take your time and get in touch with your loving feelings. I know that sounds cheesy, but when you're down there performing orally, think about how you love to love her, and imagine that you're making love to her with your mouth. Don't be in a hurry to get to the intercourse, just focus in on what you're doing. Meditate on it. You see, Miss Kitten believes that sex is very meditative. to meditate during sex, focus only on what it is you're doing at the moment. Forget about everything else in your life and be in the moment. When ideas of doing different (sexual) things come to you, indulge in them. Don't allow negative thoughts such as worry, fear, or panic enter your mind. Keep your mind clear and simply enjoy what you're doing.

So what if you're not a passionate kisser? Well, then get work on that. Cunnilingus is really just passionate kissing on female genitals. The same rules of meditation apply to all sex, including kissing. You'll enjoy yourself more, and so will your partner.

And just to add a little anatomy into the mix, if you are not familiar with the mechanics and parts of the female anatomy, go to the library. Read some books. Learn everything you can about the female body. Once you know the anatomy, check out some erotic novels. Also, stores that sell sex toys often have books about pleasing your woman in bed--check them out.

The point of reading the books aren't for you to get anal about how to please your woman, but to immerse yourself in things sexual so when you get in bed, you feel more adventurous, sexy, and energetic.

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Dear Miss Kitten:

I find women who have been drinking very erotic...I love seeing someone unsteady on their feet, clothes a bit askew and slurring their words a bit . . .is this common?

Clumsy kitties . . .

I've never seen any surveys to find out if this is common, but since many drunk people have sex, I would assume that drunk women are not such a turn-off.

Anyway, I don't see any problem with this provided that the women are only tipsy, not falling down drunk or passing out. If you like to have sex with women who are passed out, that's very messed up. Having sex with women who are passed out is a criminal offense.

But being unsteady on their feet, slurring words a little, it's hard to say. Only you and the woman can know if the woman's too drunk to agree to sex. If the woman's words are so slurred that you can't tell if she's saying "yes" or "no," then don't have sex with her. Make sure that sex is indeed what she wants. Be careful. If in doubt, don't have sex with her--you could find yourself in court!

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Dear Miss Kitten:

My wife wants me to give her anal sex. We have been married for 19 years and this is the first time she has asked me for anal sex. The problem is that no matter how hard we try I just can't get it in. She really enjoys me licking her arse and sticking my finger in when I go down on her. She is 46 and I am 52 - I have a cock which is 5 1/2" long but it has a big knob. We use lubricant but I just can't seem to get it in or keep it hard enough to get it in. Can you please help because it is driving us crazy.

Anal trials . . .

The anus is a very powerful sphincter muscle that in its resting position is contracted. What is happening is that she's involuntarily tightening up when you try to enter her. Often, once the muscle tightens up, it's difficult to get it to relax.

Advising someone to drink alcohol is not advice I normally give, but you might want to have her drink a couple of drinks before trying. Alcohol relaxes the body. Also, be sure you are using a lot of lubricant. Be very, very generous with it. Try first using your fingers, then use a dildo. Once she gets used to the dildo, then try your penis. The idea is to gradually get her and her sphincter muscle used to larger and larger objects being inserted. This may take many tries before she's ready for your penis. Good luck!

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Dear Miss Kitten:

I am uncircumcised. Is that bad? I always feel like a moron in the locker room. I am the only person I know who has a hog equiped with a sleeping bag. Obviously I am still a virgin because I am very ashamed of it. What does the average woman think of an uncircumcised unit? Should I be embarrassed? Are there any advantages to being uncircumcised? What do you think? I am very clean and have never experienced "dick cheese" but still I have this complex that girls will be revolted by that extra skin.

A lion with a large mane. . .

I am so glad you asked. You see, Miss Kitten is a firm opponent of circumcision. It is a barbaric practice that we in the United States insist upon inflicting on our infant males. There is no scientific reason to keep performing these surgeries, but still we do it. AAUGH!

No, being uncircumcised is not bad. Miss Kitten thinks it's beautiful. The extra skin is just more to have fun with! Alas, I fear that the average woman has never experienced the joy of foreskin, so she will be taken aback when she first sees it. But I have never heard of a man being turned away because of his foreskin. Once the average woman sees the foreskin, she will most likely be a little surprised, then get down to business as usual.

Think of your foreskin as insurance against idiotic American women. If you do meet a woman who is revolted by your foreskin, tell her to fuck off and move on. You'll find a woman who doesn't mind it, and maybe you'll even find a woman, who loves it (like Miss Kitten does)!

Good luck you stud!

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Dear Miss Kitten:

For the past five months I have been in a friend/lover relationship with a man that thinks he "might be" gay. Recently we have become lovers (3 weeks) and have had a wonderful time together but he obsesses over his ex-girlfriends and is very attracted to men. This past weekend he saw a woman he used to date (no intimacy - only went out four times) and was obsessing about her for two days. Finally, I told him to stop because it's a turnoff to me. He responded by telling me that he thinks he loves me and that he dumped her because of other reasons. I think if he dumped her he wouldn't be so obsessed with her. He talks about other woman all the time and I think it's because he's fighting his feelings for men. I know I am heading for a bad heartache but I do enjoy him and the company. What do you think?

Maybe, might be, probably is. . .

You are right--you're heading for a heartache. This fellow is seriously confused and needs to work out his problems on his own, preferably with a therapist. You need to find yourself a nice, healthy, robust male to play with.

(As a side note, Miss Kitten has had two ex-boyfriends come out of the closet. Being gay is not something that just goes away. Whenever a man tells you he might be gay, take that to heart. He's most likely gay, or at the very least, bi-sexual. If he's using the term "might be," this means he's not figured out his place in the world, not by a long shot. He's best left alone to work this out.)

Good luck!

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Dear Miss Kitten:

A pleasant good day to you, I'm one of your fans here in the Philippines. How do I know if the girl is virgin by looking in the body? Or by having sex?

Virgins aren't all that. . .

Every now and then, I get a question like this. In my youth, I dated a fellow who said he would never marry a girl who wasn't a virgin, so I dumped him quick!

If that doesn't tell you what I think about this obsession with virginity, let me be plain: I think it sucks. This desire for a woman to be virgin, but who cares how many women a man fucks, it's so 16th century. Get with the program. Women are every bit as sexual as you men, and we have the right to have sex too!

To answer your question, you cannot tell by looking in the body. Supposedly, doctors were able to tell, but throughout history, there were plenty of virgins accused of being deflowered when they had not!

As for when you have sex with a virgin, it usually hurts and the girls usually bleeds. But then again, a girl might be on her period, and she just might be tense and nervous, and therefore it hurts. So pain and blood aren't sure-fire indicators either.

So the bottom line is, there's no sure way to tell for sure if a girl's a virgin, and frankly, it's none of your business. A girl's private life before you came along is her business, as your private life before her is your business. Tit for tat. Sorry!

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For past Miss Kitten questions, see the Archives.



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