Hi
kitties! I'm lounging on my lover's lap thinking about how to help
you! Humans have such sexual dilemmas. . .what's yours? Email
me darling, and I'll get that lover of yours to straighten up,
as only a frisky feline can! (For past questions, see the Archives.)
Dear
Miss Kitten:
I've been troubled with this problem for the past 28 years.
When
I get involved with a girl, she becomes frustrated with my love. I
always show lot of love to girls, which is causing lot of problems
in my life.
My
second problem is that I have a jealous streak. When I first make
friends with a girl, I become jealous of other males with whom they
are having sex. Please tell me how I can stop obsessing about my female
friends and their sex lives. --Ramesh
Be
an independent lion, not a roll-over kitten. . .
It
sounds like you get too serious too quick, that you don't give enough
time for a relationship to develop into anything.
In
the very beginning of a relationship, both males and females often
are cautious. The reason can be that they're trying to figure out
how they feel about the other person, or maybe they've been hurt before
and don't want to get hurt again. Whatever the reason, go slow. I
know this sounds old fashioned, but it's the best way, I think.
If
you're determined to go super-fast, and I know, there are times when
the relationship is so hot, you can't go slow, be prepared for the
cool down. In all things in life, what goes up must come down, so
what starts out hot will cool down eventually.
Another
thing you must do is accept the fact that most relationships will
not go on to be long-lasting commitments. Think about it: you date
many women, but only marry 1 or 2 (most of us, anyway). This means
that the majority of your relationships will not end in marriage--they
will die. You have to learn to accept this death as part of life.
It hurts, but you must learn how to pick yourself up and move on.
Life is always an adventure, and obsessing about a lost lover is one
sure way to have a bad time.
It
sounds to me like you're co-dependent, meaning you have trouble knowing
where yourself and your partner begin and end. This is a common problem,
and many people have trouble maintaining their independence in a relationship.
This is something a therapist can help you with. If this problem is
causing you pain in your life, seek professional help. Don't live
your life in pain when there are people who can teach you how to be
independent within the context of a relatioship.
As
for jealousy, this very destructive personality trait is a reaction
to low self-esteem. It also signals co-dependence. When you are co-dependent,
relationships are frightening because you don't know what you'll do
with yourself when they end. And most relationships do end, so you're
in a panic. Again, I recommend seeing a therapist to help you overcome
your co-dependence and teach you how to like yourself. Good luck!.
Back
to top
Dear
Miss Kitten:
I want to tell you that you are great for doing. I need advice. I
have been fingering my virgin girlfriend and neither one of us have
done this before. I want to get her to moan or bite her lips, so if
you could be so kind as to give me some advice, I would appreciate
it. Thank you. --Joe
Getting
a rise out of a pussycat. . .
Oftentimes,
virgins are just plain unsure of what to do and a little embarrassed
by being vocal and showing reactions to erotic arousal. She may be
afraid that if you enjoys this too much, that sex will be right around
the corner, and she's not ready for that--or maybe she was planning
on saving herself for marriage. I don't know, you should know better
than I.
If
she is not ready for sex, then this little activity is crossing a
line for her. She may be enjoying it, but she should be concerned
that this could lead to sex--because it will, eventually. Maybe not
with you, but it will lead to sex one day. If she's intent of remaining
a virgin for many more years, she's playing with fire and she knows
it.
You
need to make sure that this foreplay is really all right with your
girlfriend. Make sure you understand what it is she wants for her
future. She may have thought this was a good idea, and is feeling
unsure about it now. Respect her wishes--if she wants to stop doing
this, don't pressure her.
If
your girlfriend is ready for this and other sexual activities, then
just be patient about the moaning. She'll react as she wants, when
she wants. Don't ever pressure her to do it, because that will only
have the opposite effect. And keep in mind, some women never moan.
But that doesn't mean she's not enjoying herself--maybe she just doesn't
want to make a fuss about it.
Back
to top
Dear
Miss Kitten:
I want to know how to please my girlfriend in bed by licking her kitten.
I would like to please her but I'm not really sure how to that well.
Kissing
kittens . . .
Well,
this is a switch. I've received lots of questions about how to give
good blow jobs, but you're the first to ask how to perform cunniligus
well.
First,
relax about it. Don't be so worried. Try to do what comes naturally
and have confidence in your ability to please your gal.
If
you're a passionate kisser, and like to make out for long periods
of time, this cunnilingus thing will be a piece of cake for you. Take
your time and get in touch with your loving feelings. I know that
sounds cheesy, but when you're down there performing orally, think
about how you love to love her, and imagine that you're making love
to her with your mouth. Don't be in a hurry to get to the intercourse,
just focus in on what you're doing. Meditate on it. You see, Miss
Kitten believes that sex is very meditative. to meditate during sex,
focus only on what it is you're doing at the moment. Forget about
everything else in your life and be in the moment. When ideas of doing
different (sexual) things come to you, indulge in them. Don't allow
negative thoughts such as worry, fear, or panic enter your mind. Keep
your mind clear and simply enjoy what you're doing.
So
what if you're not a passionate kisser? Well, then get work on that.
Cunnilingus is really just passionate kissing on female genitals.
The same rules of meditation apply to all sex, including kissing.
You'll enjoy yourself more, and so will your partner.
And
just to add a little anatomy into the mix, if you are not familiar
with the mechanics and parts of the female anatomy, go to the library.
Read some books. Learn everything you can about the female body. Once
you know the anatomy, check out some erotic novels. Also, stores that
sell sex toys often have books about pleasing your woman in bed--check
them out.
The
point of reading the books aren't for you to get anal about how to
please your woman, but to immerse yourself in things sexual so when
you get in bed, you feel more adventurous, sexy, and energetic.
Back
to top
Dear
Miss Kitten:
I find women who have been drinking very erotic...I love seeing someone
unsteady on their feet, clothes a bit askew and slurring their words
a bit . . .is this common?
Clumsy
kitties . . .
I've
never seen any surveys to find out if this is common, but since many
drunk people have sex, I would assume that drunk women are not such
a turn-off.
Anyway,
I don't see any problem with this provided that the women are only
tipsy, not falling down drunk or passing out. If you like to have
sex with women who are passed out, that's very messed up. Having sex
with women who are passed out is a criminal offense.
But
being unsteady on their feet, slurring words a little, it's hard to
say. Only you and the woman can know if the woman's too drunk to agree
to sex. If the woman's words are so slurred that you can't tell if
she's saying "yes" or "no," then don't have sex
with her. Make sure that sex is indeed what she wants. Be careful.
If in doubt, don't have sex with her--you could find yourself in court!
Back
to top
Dear
Miss Kitten:
My wife wants me to give her anal sex. We have been married for 19
years and this is the first time she has asked me for anal sex. The
problem is that no matter how hard we try I just can't get it in.
She really enjoys me licking her arse and sticking my finger in when
I go down on her. She is 46 and I am 52 - I have a cock which is 5
1/2" long but it has a big knob. We use lubricant but I just can't
seem to get it in or keep it hard enough to get it in. Can you please
help because it is driving us crazy.
Anal
trials . . .
The
anus is a very powerful sphincter muscle that in its resting position
is contracted. What is happening is that she's involuntarily tightening
up when you try to enter her. Often, once the muscle tightens up,
it's difficult to get it to relax.
Advising
someone to drink alcohol is not advice I normally give, but you might
want to have her drink a couple of drinks before trying. Alcohol relaxes
the body. Also, be sure you are using a lot of lubricant. Be very,
very generous with it. Try first using your fingers, then use a dildo.
Once she gets used to the dildo, then try your penis. The idea is
to gradually get her and her sphincter muscle used to larger and larger
objects being inserted. This may take many tries before she's ready
for your penis. Good luck!
Back
to top
Dear
Miss Kitten:
I am uncircumcised. Is that bad? I always feel like a moron in the
locker room. I am the only person I know who has a hog equiped with
a sleeping bag. Obviously I am still a virgin because I am very ashamed
of it. What does the average woman think of an uncircumcised unit?
Should I be embarrassed? Are there any advantages to being uncircumcised?
What do you think? I am very clean and have never experienced "dick
cheese" but still I have this complex that girls will be revolted
by that extra skin.
A
lion with a large mane. . .
I
am so glad you asked. You see, Miss Kitten is a firm opponent of circumcision.
It is a barbaric practice that we in the United States insist upon
inflicting on our infant males. There is no scientific reason to keep
performing these surgeries, but still we do it. AAUGH!
No,
being uncircumcised is not bad. Miss Kitten thinks it's beautiful.
The extra skin is just more to have fun with! Alas, I fear that the
average woman has never experienced the joy of foreskin, so she will
be taken aback when she first sees it. But I have never heard of a
man being turned away because of his foreskin. Once the average woman
sees the foreskin, she will most likely be a little surprised, then
get down to business as usual.
Think
of your foreskin as insurance against idiotic American women. If you
do meet a woman who is revolted by your foreskin, tell her to fuck
off and move on. You'll find a woman who doesn't mind it, and maybe
you'll even find a woman, who loves it (like Miss Kitten does)!
Good
luck you stud!
Back
to top
Dear
Miss Kitten:
For the past five months I have been in a friend/lover relationship
with a man that thinks he "might be" gay. Recently we have become
lovers (3 weeks) and have had a wonderful time together but he obsesses
over his ex-girlfriends and is very attracted to men. This past weekend
he saw a woman he used to date (no intimacy - only went out four times)
and was obsessing about her for two days. Finally, I told him to stop
because it's a turnoff to me. He responded by telling me that he thinks
he loves me and that he dumped her because of other reasons. I think
if he dumped her he wouldn't be so obsessed with her. He talks about
other woman all the time and I think it's because he's fighting his
feelings for men. I know I am heading for a bad heartache but I do
enjoy him and the company. What do you think?
Maybe,
might be, probably is. . .
You
are right--you're heading for a heartache. This fellow is seriously
confused and needs to work out his problems on his own, preferably
with a therapist. You need to find yourself a nice, healthy, robust
male to play with.
(As
a side note, Miss Kitten has had two ex-boyfriends come out of the
closet. Being gay is not something that just goes away. Whenever a
man tells you he might be gay, take that to heart. He's most likely
gay, or at the very least, bi-sexual. If he's using the term "might
be," this means he's not figured out his place in the world,
not by a long shot. He's best left alone to work this out.)
Good
luck!
Back
to top
Dear
Miss Kitten:
A pleasant good day to you, I'm
one of your fans here in the Philippines. How do I know if the girl
is virgin by looking in the body? Or by having sex?
Virgins
aren't all that. . .
Every
now and then, I get a question like this. In my youth, I dated a fellow
who said he would never marry a girl who wasn't a virgin, so I dumped
him quick!
If
that doesn't tell you what I think about this obsession with virginity,
let me be plain: I think it sucks. This desire for a woman to be virgin,
but who cares how many women a man fucks, it's so 16th century. Get
with the program. Women are every bit as sexual as you men, and we
have the right to have sex too!
To
answer your question, you cannot tell by looking in the body. Supposedly,
doctors were able to tell, but throughout history, there were plenty
of virgins accused of being deflowered when they had not!
As
for when you have sex with a virgin, it usually hurts and the girls
usually bleeds. But then again, a girl might be on her period, and
she just might be tense and nervous, and therefore it hurts. So pain
and blood aren't sure-fire indicators either.
So
the bottom line is, there's no sure way to tell for sure if a girl's
a virgin, and frankly, it's none of your business. A girl's private
life before you came along is her business, as your private life before
her is your business. Tit for tat. Sorry!
Back
to top
For
past Miss Kitten questions, see the Archives.
